The Anti-Oscars

This article will not help you win your Oscar pool.

On this Oscar Nomination ballot, you will not find any Streeps, Clooneys, Plummers or Spielbergs.

No, this is the Anti-Oscars! This is the opposite of what will happen when nominations are announced on Tuesday, January 24.

I’ve made picks in five of the six major categories, but while these certainly don’t reflect what will happen, they aren’t even necessarily what I think should happen. The Academy gets some things right some of the time.

Rather this list is my personal ballot dedicated to the not-even-out-of-the-gate contenders that were marvelous in 2011 but for whatever reason will not receive the attention they deserve at the biggest award ceremony of the year.

I’ll also use this space to discuss why they are not in the race and what that means for the actual contenders. So if any of these names are in your predictions, rethink your decisions now, and watch me eat my words when I predict the real ballot next week.

Best Picture

• Drive
• Beginners
• Super 8
• Incendies
• The Skin I Live In
• Certified Copy
• Weekend
• Melancholia

If there’s one thing the Best Picture hopeful lineup is missing, it’s a good dose of darkness. Is “Moneyball” really the darkest movie this year’s Oscars have to offer? My list, which conveniently resembles all eight films in my Top 10 list not solid contenders for nomination (the other two being “Midnight in Paris” and “Hugo”), shows a much more even split of heavy and lighter entertainment.

“Beginners” is the touching American indie that last year would’ve grabbed “Winter’s Bone’s” spot in a definitive 10 horse race, and I can see “Weekend” having a similar appeal for certain sections of the Academy, but it’s too unknown.

“Super 8” is the wonderfully made big studio thrill ride that the Oscars would’ve celebrated if there wasn’t already a Spielberg movie in the race (“War Horse”).

“Incendies” and “Certified Copy” are both ineligible for this year’s awards, “Incendies” having been nominated last year for Best Foreign Language Film. “The Skin I Live In” has a good shot to be nominated for that category this year, but it’s a bit too arty to be considered in this main category.

Although, don’t entirely count out “Melancholia” and “Drive.” They are cleaning up critics’ awards, and the new voting system throws a wrench into the whole process. The rules dictate that a film must have at least five percent of a first place vote to be considered, and given a constantly changing and now very young voting block, they are the audience that would accelerate “Drive’s” hyper violence into a potential eighth or ninth spot for Best Picture. As for “Melancholia,” anything can happen with this untested procedure. “Melancholia” is developing a cult following as “The Anti Tree of Life,” and fervent support, even in an Academy that likely wouldn’t favor such a depressing film, can’t be ignored.

Best Actor

• William Shimell – Certified Copy
• Tom Cullen – Weekend
• Chris New – Weekend
• Matt Damon – Contagion
• Ryan Gosling – Drive

I can’t speak more highly about these five actors. If Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Jean Dujardin were not so wonderful in their movies (I’ve yet to see “Shame” and Michael Fassbender or the even darker horse Michael Shannon for “Take Shelter”), I’d be hard pressed to not call these the five best performances of the year.

Shimell gives a virtuoso performance of booming masculinity he drew from his opera experience. Cullen and New together have such perfect chemistry and depth I could hardly choose one. Damon was the most identifiable character in all of “Contagion,” and he’s always been an underrated actor.

As for Ryan Gosling, he’s a movie star now. How he got snubbed is a damn shame, but here’s what happened. “The Ides of March” was a shrug worthy movie, and although he was the charismatic lead, he was arguably a weak link in a spotless cast. No one made a Best Supporting Actor push for his great comedic turn in “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” And in the case of “Drive,” his performance is so subdued and quiet that the Academy can hardly appreciate how great and focused he was.

Best Actress

• Juliette Binoche – Certified Copy
• Manjinder Virk – The Arbor
• Elizabeth Olsen – Martha Marcy May Marlene
• Jeong-hie Yun – Poetry
• Kirsten Dunst – Melancholia

I do think the Best Actress race is fairly strong right now with Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Viola Davis and possibly Rooney Mara, even if their movies aren’t.

But the five performances I’ve chosen here all come from very strong films. Olsen and Dunst once had outside chances for nominations, and there may yet be a surprise as no one has jumped on the Charlize Theron bandwagon. But they’ve got competition from past winner Tilda Swinton and the gender bending performance by Glenn Close in Albert Nobbs. If anything, Olsen wins the Jennifer Lawrence award for promising newcomer, but Dunst’s work is too “catatonic” for it to register with the Academy.

Binoche is lovely in three languages, but her movie is ineligible. Jeong-hie Yun in the heartbreaking “Poetry” is made so lovely by her brave performance, but it isn’t getting the critic support.

And the oddball performance of the year goes to Manjinder Virk, who doesn’t speak a word in her movie (neither does Berenice Bejo, but whatever) but rather lip synchs to the voice of Lorraine Dunbar in the experimental documentary “The Arbor.” Her mesmerizing face alone deserves recognition.

Best Supporting Actor

• Corey Stoll – Midnight in Paris
• Sacha Baron Cohen – Hugo
• Stellan Skarsgard – The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
• Bruce Greenwood – Meek’s Cutoff
• Jeremy Irons – Margin Call

I would love to see Ernest Hemingway win an Oscar, wouldn’t you? Corey Stoll is terrific in “Midnight in Paris,” and the movie has enough love it may happen yet. Stoll is actually touring around book stores reading Hemingway as a mild For Your Consideration campaign, and the Supporting Actor category is mostly a toss up with only a few guaranteed locks.

My other four picks are most certainly not in the race, and I considered selecting Ben Kingsley, Patton Oswalt and Robert Forster in this category because of their somewhat outside chances.

But Sacha Baron Cohen gives as good of a screwball silent performance in “Hugo” as some of the performances in “The Artist.” Jeremy Irons gave his best performance in years as the domineering CEO in “Margin Call,” but you could nominate the entire cast of that film. Bruce Greenwood is a powerful standout from a polarizing film with Academy voters. His cowboy Stephen Meek is rugged, ruthless and racist but never devolves into cliché.

As for Skarsgard, he can turn on that perfectly villainous tone like a light switch. He makes that middle hour of “Dragon Tattoo” strikingly brilliant, and you could even nominate him for his few moments in “Melancholia.”

Best Supporting Actress

• Charlotte Gainsbourg – Melancholia
• Elle Fanning – Super 8
• Marion Cotillard – Midnight in Paris
• Sarah Paulson – Martha Marcy May Marlene
• Melanie Laurent – Beginners

I’m going to be honest here: 2011 was a pretty weak year for female supporting performances. Even of the potential favorites Shailene Woodley, Berenice Bejo and Octavia Spencer, I found it impossible to pick a favorite.

Even the woman that was literally everywhere this year, Jessica Chastain, can’t choose between “The Help” and “The Tree of Life.”

I picked Gainsbourg mainly because she ultimately becomes the film’s lead in “Melancholia’s” second half. Paulson is the only other figure in “Martha Marcy May Marlene” with enough screen time to warrant a nomination. Laurent gives a charming performance without even the luxury of words for part of “Beginners.” And I want to marry Marion Cotillard’s character in “Midnight in Paris.”

But if I had to choose a favorite supporting performance of the year, I’d have to give it to the one that surprised and pleased me the most: Elle Fanning’s breakout role in “Super 8.” She’s adorable, unlike her equally talented sister, but not Abigail Breslin cutesy. She’s also a big part of the heart of “Super 8,” and I hope I see her in more things, even if it’s not the Oscar ceremony.