The Avengers

“This intergalactic energy cube ain’t big enough for the six of us,” “The Avengers” says with a forceful tone as it struggles to conceal a smile.

Joss Whedon’s superhero movie equivalent to The Travelling Wilburys fully knows how impossible it is to squeeze all of these massive folklore figures into one film. So when the whole serious side starts to cave and just gets silly, Whedon is there with a zinger to run with the moment.

“The Avengers” is a fun and smart movie in doses, one that surprises and dazzles when it isn’t talking your head off. Continue reading “The Avengers”

Why I’m bitter about ‘The Avengers’

Airing some last minute skepticism about “The Avengers” before the movie premieres and some frustration with Marvel.

Look, I’m seeing “The Avengers” tonight at midnight, and my thoughts will definitely be completely changed after its two 2:20 runtime. I will be able to judge the movie as a movie and not by its ravenous fans.

But I’ve been bitching about this movie for too long with no one listening, so I had to get my thoughts down on paper at some point before this evening.

If I’m not on the same page of enthusiasm for “The Avengers,” it’s because I haven’t bought into Marvel’s ad campaign for the last three years. Yes, “The Avengers” is the final product of a massive hype machine that Marvel has executed perfectly since Day 1. Continue reading “Why I’m bitter about ‘The Avengers’”

Why Marvel is starting to piss me off

Marvel’s extended universe and Easter Eggs are getting out of hand.

When Lou Piniella was managing the Cubs, a journalist asked him why he didn’t switch pitchers following a bad loss under the pretense that they could’ve performed better in the next game of the series. Piniella said, “I’m focused on winning THIS game, not the next one.”

Marvel Studios, since 2008 and their separation as an individual studio, has always been focused on the next game.

I bring this up because “Thor” bothered me quite a bit. As the first movie of what will now be a llllooooonnng summer, it signaled to me the same crap Marvel pulled with “Iron Man 2.”

They are making an “Avengers” movie in 2012, and in both “Thor” and “Iron Man 2,” it has been heavily marketed within the movie as a prominent side plot to the main one.

The upcoming film has an all-star cast, is directed by cult TV favorite Joss Whedon, and they damn well want you to know to be excited for it. Continue reading “Why Marvel is starting to piss me off”

Thor

As if superhero movies weren’t overblown enough, here’s the bombastically overacted and extravagant “Thor,” starring none other than the Norse God of Thunder. If you thought Robert Downey Jr.’s ego was big as Iron Man, wait until you see the one on the hulking and indestructible alien that helms this movie.

Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is the prince of a sparkling land in another area of the cosmos called Asgard. For eons, they’ve protected the galaxy and maintained order, leading the Scandinavian humans back in ancient times to revere them as deities. Now the throne must pass from the King Odin (Anthony Hopkins) to Thor, but when he tries to wage war on their sworn enemies, the frost giants, he is rightly banished to Earth.

Allow me to describe Asgard, a shimmering, God-like planet of rainbow colors blessed with the features of a glistening waterfall spilling endlessly into the depths of space, floating rock staircases, a golden portal capable of summoning lightning storms and an enormous palace of bronze pipes that would put whatever the Royal wedding cost to shame. The existence of this place and the CGI that depict it are self serving, looking good only as an excuse to look extravagant, because the people that live and act on it are the same cocky, privileged, one-dimensional characters we would find on Earth. They even ride horses.

Yet nothing that happens on Asgard has any bearing to what happens on Earth, and I had no reason to care about the spectacular mayhem that could ensue there. “Thor” wastes more time on this fantasy world and its mythology than I care to count. Continue reading “Thor”